and then there were three...

I emailed my family the watered-down version of Emmett’s birth story, but I want to document my own birthing story.

I will start out by saying that I am very grateful I chose to birth the way I did. About a year and a half ago I began to think more and more about the process of birth and the options women have for how they go about bringing their babies into the world, and I discovered the growing trend of choosing a midwife over the traditional hospital. The statistics in the US are staggering concerning c-section rates and infant/maternal death. Today in the US three pregnant women walk into a hospital, and one comes out with major surgery to recover from. Those stats just didn’t sit well with me, so I started talking to people who chose alternative routes. Every time I talked to these women I just felt so good about it. When we found out we were pregnant, I initially started going to the hospital in town thinking I would give them the benefit of the doubt and see if I liked them. It took me just two appointments to decide for sure I was not going to stick with them, and I would switch and go to a midwife my very good friend Kari had referred (she had her last two babies with Nancy). Justin and I met with Nancy back in February and after a lot of prayer and thinking about it I just felt really good about moving forward with her.

So bring in the past week or so: Nancy has the philosophy of mamas birth stories ending “Safe and Happy” with safe coming before happy. To birth with her, you have to meet certain guidelines. After going one week overdue, I began to feel a little worried I was going to go too late. She won’t take you if you go over 42 weeks, and I was only 3 days away from hitting that deadline when Emmett decided to come. I’m so grateful he came within her time frame!

Sunday I felt some contractions on our morning walk with Jackson, and I lost the first part of my mucus plug. It came out over the course of the next three days rather than in one fell swoop. Each time I found more, I knew things were working and warming up for the big event – it gave me confidence.

Cue Wednesday night: that whole day I had off and on contractions. I remember being at puppy school with Jackson and Justin and feeling contractions in between practicing with the pup. His class goes from 6:45-7:45, so we met with Nancy right after at 8:00. She checked my cervix which up to this point had not budged. It was dilated to 1 cm, and she said that her moving her hand around up there would spur further contractions.

That night early labor began. Sure enough, those contractions began and they did not relent. Nancy said to come back the next day at 3:00 to see if anything had changed unless I needed to come sooner. She told me to come when my contractions were 4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, and doing that for at least 1 hour. So from 9:00 Wednesday night to 5:00 Thursday morning I labored at home through contractions that were anywhere from 3-6 minutes apart, lasting 45 seconds to a minute. I asked Justin to rest as much as he could until I needed him for support. I ended up needing him at midnight to help me time contractions and get me through them. I would lay in the bed between contractions, and he would help me sit up and rock while I worked through each contraction all night long.

What I remember about these contractions was they were deep down in my pelvis. I thought I’d feel the whole round part of my stomach get tight and flex, but that wasn’t the case. It was all very low and it affected my legs as well. My upper legs had sharp, shooting pain with each contraction. This was when I started using some yoga moves to alleviate that pain (hand and knees, swinging hips around mostly). I started using this around 3:00 AM. This was hard work because it made rest difficult. Laying down on the ground was uncomfortable, but getting in and out of bed was a joke, so I would try to rest however I could until the next contraction came.

I made small goals which really helped me get through that night. At first it was to get to midnight and then I could get Justin’s support. Then it was to make it to 3:00. Things started revving up after 3:00 so the goal was to make it to 5:00 with the reward of going to the birthing center.

At this point I had put on my first of many lady diapers and a baggy shirt. We drove to Nancy’s for her to check me. I became so incredibly discouraged when she said I was the same as the night before, 1 cm maybe 2 and 50% effaced. I was confused and upset. I had been having contractions ALL NIGHT. I lost a lot of confidence in my ability to know when to actually come since I thought for sure I’d be to at least 4 cm (enough for Nancy to keep you there). Nancy could see how distraught I was, so she worked on my cervix doing all kinds of crazy voodoo up there to try to get things moving. That was really painful. That pain plus the pain of my discouragement had me in some crocodile tears. Before leaving, I told her I was totally confused and didn’t know what to do. She put me on the monitor to see what my contractions were like. They had slowed down, and I only had two in a 10 minute period that were only 45 seconds. More discouragement. She said we could stay if we wanted, but being so far away still, we decided to go home. I mourned the whole ride home. Justin was really supportive. There was nothing he could do, but he made me feel better about everything.

We got home around 6:00. I decided what I needed most at this point was rest. I tried to lay down and rest in bed, but it became incredibly hard as those contractions kept coming. At around 8:00 the pain was bad enough I had to get out of bed and work through the contractions standing up, kneeling, etc. Now I was feeling the contractions deep in my pelvis which was affecting the nerves in my legs, sending shooting pain through them. At 9:00 Justin called our doula. She arrived at 9:30. At this point, my contractions were 3 minutes apart lasting a minute (I was not timing them, but Justin was). Here is where Justin would say I was in crazy-lady mode. I was VERY vocal working through each contraction. Now that it’s over, I can joke that I’m pretty sure the neighbors could hear me. Jackson certainly could, and he was wining any time I groaned. When Heather arrived she came right over to help support me and directed Justin to get a few things to make me more comfortable (water bottle, cold washcloth, etc.). I only had about three or four contractions when she said it was time for us to go back to the birth center. With no shame, I got my diapered-self up and walked to her car to have the whole backseat to ride to Nancy’s. Thankfully no neighbors were outside at the time (imagine preganat girl with baggy shirt, diaper, and flip flops walks out of her house…nice).

We got to the birth center and waited about 10 minutes in the car before Nancy could free herself to check me. I will not forget the sweet relief I felt when she happily reported I was dilated to 4 cm and 75% effaced – we were having this baby today! Ingrid – her birth assistant and also a doula – came and asked if I’d like to labor in the tub. It sounded lovely, but at only 4 cm I had learned that the tub can sometimes slow contractions and I didn’t want that. I told her about that concern but she said we should try first. I dropped my diaper and ripped off my shirt – it was go time! Being in that water was my saving grace. Up to this point, I was struggling through the contractions. When I got to be in the water, I visualized the gravity difference taking pressure away from my pelvis. This made the shooting pain in my legs stop. Thank you gravity! Heather and Justin were an amazing team. Each would hold my hand through each contraction. They would encourage me to “squeeze harder” as I worked. What I loved about the tub was it allowed me to relax. Heather was amazing at reminding me “the more you can relax, the more your body will work with you, the faster things will progress, etc”” I pictured my cervix softening and opening. With the relief of the tub, I could revisit my vision of why I wanted to birth this way, and what it would take to finish. With each contraction I would think “My job is to be totally relaxed.” With each rest I would think “My job is to completely rest.” I let every part of myself go between contractions, going totally limp in the water. Toward the end, I threw up in the tub. I didn’t laugh at the time, but Justin’s reaction was so funny! I didn’t have any breakfast – maybe two bites of oatmeal – so it was basically just stomach acid in the water: bright yellow/green. I threw up about 3-4 times and each time I heard Justin say “What IS that?” and “What did she throw up?” and “What did she EAT?” Ha! Before I knew it I had labored for an hour and Nancy wanted to check me.

They got me out and Nancy happily reported I had moved from 4 cm to 6 and was 100% effaced in just an hour. If it ain’t broke, why fix it? So back in the tub I went. I was there for 45 minutes. Again, Justin and Heather were invaluable. This time contractions were coming quicker and quicker. I had little rest between contractions, but I was so in the zone and doing a really good job staying relaxed that they were not bad. I mean…they were contractions and they were intense, but the difference was the water helped me go deep inside myself so things got difficult I would go one layer deeper in my mind and make it through. This was a really cool experience. So like I said, 45 minutes here and I hear Nancy say she wants to see if I’m ready to push. At this point my contractions were less than a minute apart, right on top of each other. I signaled when I was done with a contraction and they quickly got me out. Sure enough, Nancy determined I was dilated to “about an 8-9” she said and decided it was time to break my water! It hadn’t broken on its own which I can be grateful for – I hear contractions are harder when the cushion of the water is gone. The warm gush of my water breaking was cool.

Now that it was time to push, it was time to come out of my inner-self meditative state for Nancy to coach me how to push. She told me I’d want to lose breath through my nose and mouth but that would be useless. She told me to push with my bottom which made sense to me because I could feel it. Now that my water was broken, my contractions slowed down and I had maybe 30 seconds to a minute rest between. The first pushes were me getting acquainted with how to push, so I wasn’t really effective yet. Then Ingrid coached me to put my legs up on her shoulders for her to lean into while Justin and Heather scrunched me forward which would help my pushing along. This is when things started to become hard work. After pushing through the contraction, she would let my legs go and they would CRAMP. My quads, my hamis, my calves ALL were totally seized! I cried through that pain and tried to massage them. Everyone would jump in and massage all over my legs until the next contraction, and then I worked hard to PUSH only to have a “rest” of my legs totally cramping up. That was tough! But…I became a more effective pusher. I was able to get three good pushes in, and I could tell from the encouragement I would hear in everyone’s voices. I remember them saying “I can see a baby’s head!” They gave me a mirror to be able to see. I think that’s probably usually motivation for mamas to push better to greet their babies, but for me I didn’t really care. I thought “I’ll be excited to look when he’s actually out.” Ha.

I could tell I was nearing the end when Nancy showed up with her gloves and I could hear her encourage me to keep pushing harder and to extend each push as long as I could. I found that pushing isn’t effective until you’ve pushed for a good 10 seconds-ish…then you have to KEEP pushing with that same push to make progress. It really is two steps forward, one step back.

Well, they tell me I pushed for 45 minutes and baby’s head was out. I could feel when it was time to push his head out, and I could feel when I got his head out. That was the biggest motivator to me to FINISH STRONG! I knew the body would come easily after that, so I had my final push and Emmett was here. I love that Justin got to catch him. He wasn’t queasy like he thought he might be – only completely excited! He put Emmett on my belly – and we all just marveled at his new life.

They say mamas get a surge of instant love for their babies when this happens. For me, my love for my baby has come as a steady increase over these past few days. I remember being in awe, and more totally in love with Justin and the fact that we were now a family of three. Justin got to be with Emmett while I pushed out my placenta, and then I had to wait for Nancy to stitch me up. I tore about 2 cm. Thinking of tearing always made me cringe but of course, I didn’t notice! She did a great job – we checked my stitches when I saw her Saturday and she said I won’t even have a scar. I saved my placenta and had it encapsulated – I take three “placenta pills” a day. I have truly gone crunchy over here!

Heather took off to make us dinner for that night (seriously – bless her) and Ingrid helped clean me up. I nursed Emmett for the first time, they helped me get in yet another lady diaper, and by 4:00 we were out of there.

I am very grateful for the birth experience I had. Overall, early labor lasted from 9:00 PM Wednesday to 10:00 AM Thursday morning – 13 hours. Active labor was from 10:00 – 12:50: just under three hours. Pushing was 45 minutes – with a baby born at 1:40 PM July 28^th, 2016! He was 8 lbs, 1 oz and 21 " long.

Things that helped me through this process:

Preparation and education: you can’t go into a natural labor by accident. I did my research, I educated myself, and I trusted the process of birth. I surrounded myself with the best birth team I could, and it made all the difference in the world. I’m very proud of myself and of my baby! We did it!

A fun side-note: in my “mama natural” online child birth class, they reported a study (only 150 women, so not huge but still) where women who ate 6 dates a day – RELIGIOUSLY – the last four weeks of their pregnancies. 94-ish of those 150 women reported faster, easier labors. Umm…why WOULDN’T I try this trick? I started eating 6 dates a day religiously starting 6 weeks out from my due date. Going almost two weeks overdue, that means I was eating 6 dates a day for almost 8 weeks! I think it attributed to the softening and opening of my cervix from 4-10 cm in such a short time, and it’s not common for a first-time mom to push for only 45 minutes (average is 2-3 hours), so when my birth team kept saying “She is progressing really fast for a first-time mom” Justin would say, “It was the dates!”

I’m so grateful to have started my journey of motherhood with such a great experience. I’m so grateful for the people in my corner who made this experience so wonderful. I have new love for my sweet husband who was a total rock star through it all, and now has the title of husband and father. Thank you Heavenly Father for this wonderful life we’ve been given!